I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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