I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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