I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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