His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
