My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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