I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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