Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
