im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
