If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
