Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
