I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
