people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
