no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
