fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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