so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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