I feel great
I just peed on a car
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
