and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
