he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
