I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
