god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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