dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
