she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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