So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
