just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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