New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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