I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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