I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All the doctor said was why
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
