I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
