I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
