She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
