Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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