Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
