When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
