Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
