I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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