I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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