I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tonight lets celebrate not being married
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
