My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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