I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
