What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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