On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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