He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
