I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
