He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
