well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
