Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
