At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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