one two three fourrrrnication!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
