You really coming over, don't trick.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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