..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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