dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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