I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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