she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
